Social isolation: Issues and remedies

Student of class X: I’ve a dream of doing something unique.

Parent of the student: No way. What do you mean by your dream? We’ll decide what you got to dream.

Student (demotivated): But I want to follow my passion.

Parent: And what is that?

Student (with a hope in his eyes): I want to be a musician.

Parent: There’s no future in it. We can’t let you wrestle in life just like that. Moreover we are answerable to the society. How will we brag if my son isn’t even opting for science stream?

Student: Will the society banish me if I don’t go main stream? I thought I could share my feelings with my parents *at least*.

(He ran away, slamming the door behind him)

Few hours later the parents found their son unresponsive,ending it all. The family had nothing to gain rather brag anymore. Tears rolled down the cheeks and more came down until they rolled down like a stream…

You must be thinking what’s new in this story! We get a glimpse of it almost everyday through newsprint. There lies the problem. There emerges the issue of urgency to reach at a solution.

Well this was just one incident. Others might include bullying, harassing mental health of students and peers, rejection, inability to accept failure in life, sexual abuse, physical and emotional abuse, depression and so on.

To reach out to people and having someone to share with, is of an utmost importance in today’s life.Life’s beautiful only when we know how to make one! The power to create positivity in life lies in our hands solely. Parents can be the best therapists (read friends) in that case. No one knows their children better than them. Being strict doesn’t make you a parent with bad intentions nor being too liberal makes you the most loving caretakers.Sometimes things do fall out of the track and due to busy schedules and complex work routine parents fail to spend quality time with their children,more unintentionally. This proliferates the distance between the parents and their children leading into depression sometimes. Adolescents become the major victim in this sphere. The age of “storm and stress” need to be handled with care and empathy. Many fail to comprehend this and therein lies the importance of counseling.

Child counselling and parent counselling goes hand in hand. Both play a pivotal role in treating things right.
Whatever the treatment is sought to alleviate or address, it will likely be very forward-oriented (meaning there will be little looking back with positive demeanour) and will probably be conducted in a non-verbal manner for a large portion of the time (including play, games, art, etcetera).

Following are symptoms that may indicate a problem that child counseling can correct or help with:

Unwarranted aggression
Incontinence
Difficulty adjusting to social situations
Frequent nightmare and sleep difficulties
A sudden drop in grades at school
Persistent worry and anxiety
Withdrawing from activities they normally enjoy
Loss of appetite and dramatic weight loss
Performing obsessive routines like hand washing
Expressing thoughts of suicide
Talking about voices they hear in their head
Social isolation and wanting to be alone
Alcohol or drug use
Increased physical complaints despite a normal, healthy physician’s report
Self-harm
Possible remedies

Find a good time to talk and assure them that they are not in trouble.
Listen actively.
Take your child’s concerns, experiences, and emotions seriously.
Try to be open, authentic, and relaxed.
Explain that the role of a therapist is to provide help and support.
Contact a counsellor or therapist to smoothen the task.

Thank you. Wishing my readers good health and prosperity.

Is self-love a sin?

Like attracts like. We need to be a match for the things we desire to reach us. Does that mean we should do what is relevant to our existence only or should we also consider the power of community on a whole? We indulge in self love to protect our sanity and pay heed to our emotional needs. While doing so we tend to forget the purpose of loving ourselves to the extent of becoming the better version of what we were yesterday. Self love is not a sin but might be a blunder if we are engaged in damaging conversations to convince ourselves to have a better coffee date with peers. It might be unfair if we are using unnecessary actions to satiate ourselves in the name of love.

Self-love is the key to raise one’s vibe, provided it improves one’s self worth and peace of mind.

The first stop on the road to romance is you. It is honouring and loving oneself that opens the door for another to truly do the same. Let us be more conscious while giving love and sharing the joy of life. It’s better to focus on ourselves instead of discussing hateful events about the people we know.

Give. But don’t allow yourself to be used or to use others in order to attain a goal. Love. But don’t allow yourself to be abused or to abuse others in the name of love.

Befriend your child

Scene:

Student of class X: I’ve a dream of doing something unique. Parent of the student: No way. What do you mean by your dream? We’ll decide what you got to dream. Student(demotivated): But I’d like to follow my passion. Parent: And what is that? Student(with a hope in his eyes): I want to be a musician. Parent: There’s no future in it. We can’t let you wrestle in life just like that. (Thinking): [Moreover we are answerable to the society. How will we brag if my son isn’t even opting for science stream?] Student: Will the society banish me if I don’t go main stream? I thought I could share my feelings with my parents at least. (He ran away, slamming the door behind him) Few hours later the parents found their son unresponsive, ending it all. The family had nothing to gain rather brag anymore. Tears rolled down the cheeks and more came down until they rolled down like a stream…

***

You must be thinking what’s new in this story? We get a glimpse of it almost everyday through newsprint. There lies the problem. There emerges the issue of urgency to reach at a solution. Well this was just one incident. Others might include bullying, harassing mental health of students and peers, rejection, inability to accept failure in life, sexual abuse, physical and emotional abuse, depression and so on. To reach out to people and having someone to share with, is of an utmost importance in today’s life. Life is beautiful only when we know how to make one! The power to create positivity in life lies in our hands solely. Parents can be the best therapists (read friends) in that case. No one knows their children better than them. Being strict doesn’t make you a parent with bad intentions nor being too liberal makes you the most loving caretakers. Sometimes things do fall out of the track and due to busy schedules and complex work routine parents fail to spend quality time with their children,more unintentionally. This proliferates the distance between the parents and their children leading into depression sometimes. Adolescents become the major victim in this sphere. The age of “storm and stress” need to be handled with care and empathy. Many fail to comprehend this and therein lies the importance of counseling. Child counselling and parent counselling goes hand in hand. Both play a pivotal role in treating things right.

Whatever the treatment is sought to alleviate or address, it will likely be very forward-oriented (meaning there will be little looking back with positive demeanour) and will probably be conducted in a non-verbal manner for a large portion of the time (including play, games, art, etcetera).

Following are symptoms that may indicate a problem that child counseling can correct or help with:

• Unwarranted aggression
• Incontinence
• Difficulty adjusting to social situations
• Frequent nightmare and sleep difficulties
• A sudden drop in grades at school
• Persistent worry and anxiety
• Withdrawing from activities they normally enjoy
• Loss of appetite and dramatic weight loss
• Performing obsessive routines like hand washing
• Expressing thoughts of suicide
• Talking about voices they hear in their head
• Social isolation and wanting to be alone
• Alcohol or drug use
• Increased physical complaints despite a normal, healthy physician’s report
• Self-harm

Possible remedies

• Find a good time to talk and assure them that they are not in trouble.
• Listen actively.
• Take your child’s concerns, experiences, and emotions seriously.
• Try to be open, authentic, and relaxed.
• Explain that the role of a therapist is to provide help and support.

Contact a counsellor or therapist for assistance.

Chapter 11: Art of Appreciation

Do you have sleepless nights thinking about unpleasant events that happened before? Do you constantly keep worrying about how things will shape up in future? If yes, you’re not alone. El isn’t alone either. She shared her journey with us when she was in college, how things have been in class because of her Special needs and how she was deprived of good relationship in life. Things haven’t changed much as she decided to embrace the route of Internship to brighten her professional life. She is just twenty one who has zest for life and has the ability to fulfill her objectives with real gusto. Yet she has developed some trust issues given her habit of holding on to the past. The absence of her only comrade and right amount of guidance led her to give birth to insecure beliefs. Nearly everyone dwells on the past at some point, but some people do it more often. As a result, people like El get stuck in the past which might make them emotionally unhealthy too.

Here are some of the ways in which you can break the habit of ruminating in the past:

•Catharsis: Let the feelings flow. Cry and scream if you need to until the frustration diminishes.

•Take the lessons and move on: You can revisit the past but with the intention of not focusing on how you felt then, but what really happened and think why it is important for you to change as a person.

•Surround yourself with positive people: Distance from the ones who encourage your worrying habit.

•Shift your focus: Think about the good things happening at the present whenever you get caught in the past. Yes it’s difficult but not impossible to practise. Just look around and you’ll find them be it an innocent smile of a kid, your valuable friends and family or the flowers in the garden or the gentle breeze or anything that leaves a smile on your face for the time being. The motive is to shift your focus for a short period of time. While the goal is to focus on the things you love and enjoy.

Forgiveness

“If only forgiving someone was as easy as changing Television channels.”

Truth: It’s not so easy.
Then what to do to achieve our peace of mind?

Here are few tips to practise forgiveness:
Look beyond the situation– When someone hurts us, try to think: What makes them to hurt us like that?

 Separate the episode from the person – Just because someone may have failed us for once, should we treat him like a failure everytime?

You need to choose now– do you need to be right(seek justice) or harmonize (forgive) for higher purpose. Decision is yours.  

Quarantining with children at home.

We are not the Masters of Nature and we have learnt this lesson in a hard way. Lockdown is of utmost importance but how do we deal with its side effects?
Parents are having a tough time managing work from home and working for home.
On the other hand, there’s no school, no therapy, no play dates, no going to the park. So how can the parents teach life skills to their children?
🔸For instance, life skills–such as making the bed, laying the table, drying/folding clothes, doing few dishes, etc. can be taught in an interesting way during break time. Time can be fixed for these activities (one at a time).
🔸Use pictures to convey your message sometimes. This reduces repetition of your instructions and help them to develop better understanding about a task.

Chapter 10: STOP technique

El has been casual all these days and paid least attention to her assignments and projects. Of course she had a tough phase to go through as Diana (her only friend) had left the city few months back. Also she has learning difficulty due to hearing impairment. It’s her first semester in college now and she’s really anxious (or unprepared) about it. She feels trapped in short. She doesn’t know how to fix herself all of a sudden. Nor can she reach out to her mother for help as she’s scared of being labelled negatively in the family.

Additional complications were her diet, lack of sleep and health issues. Her mother could sense that but even she didn’t know how to approach her.

What is the solution then?

▪️Firstly we must realise that like all mental health issues, anxiety is complex and can mirror other things.

▪️Use STOP technique i.e Stop, Think, Observe and Plan after identifying the problem.

▪️Things to keep in mind: Encourage your child to describe what they are feeling, then try to come up with ways to reduce or eliminate that feeling.

▪️They record their parent’s behaviour the most so be careful with your words. Validate their emotional experiences.

And remember, asking for help does not mean you’re an inadequate parent; it means you have your kid’s back.

Dear stress, let’s break up.

Stress or tension= toxin of mind.
The root cause of it lies in the mind,but it gradually becomes a physical problem.
Over a period of time,you develop stooped shoulders, a pulled down face or even a slow walk. Sometimes we come across questions like “Hey, are you stressed? Why do you look so tensed?”

Familiar ain’t they?
Unfortunately it develops into PSYCHOSOMATIC DISORDER.

How to identify it:
•Unhappy family life
•Chaos and disorder in social life
•Lack of harmony between the functioning of body,mind and spirit
•Accumulation of fat leading to high cholesterol levels, high BP, acidity and so on
•Stiffness and increased pain

How to overcome this disorder:
•Meditation helps a lot
•Positive thinking
•Listen to soft and soothing music
•Read good books
•Create a planner and record your objectives and accomplishments
•Take off shoes,curl your toes and stretch your feet during the period
•Go for a walk and enjoy the fresh air
•Do self talking

Wish you all a stress-free life!Even if you face any, give wings to it and urge the same to fly away. Take care readers 💐

A kind soul.

Here are some techniques to try when you need to forgive someone, especially someone who’ll never say they’re sorry:

🌸Flip ur focus from others to yourself.

🌸Take responsibility for your feelings.

🌸Own your part.

🌸Stop looking to feel slighted.

🌸Apply a loving lens.

You are the powerhouse.

HAPPINESS resides in all. No person is born unhappy. Just look at the smile of a baby. How natural and innocent it is!

🔺Reason? The mind and intellect of a baby are not conditioned. The child never faces pangs of jealousy or manipulation and never tries to impress others for no reason.
As you grow, you collect a mountain load of negative energy so much so that the true happy nature is concealed beyond recognition. THIS internal garbage is like a prison, a noose around your neck suffocating you in the process.
🔻Remedy: Break free of this prison to regain your freedom. Cast off that noose.
But HOW?
The shortest route to gaining happiness is by-
▪️ Offering unconditional love to the ones who need and deserve.
▪️ Sharing your happiness with others.
▪️ Surround yourself with the people who dream bigger than you and bring positive energy in your life.
▪️Do away with self centred approach.
▪️Start accepting the changes in your dear ones. It’s okay if they have changed. Do not idealise anyone.
▪️Stay away from the garbage of toxic thoughts.

🌷Take good care of your mental health.🌷